It’s been a very difficult few months/year for me, one filled with almost too much loss to process, much less write about. Perhaps I’ll write about it at some point, for now though, I’m taking hope and inspiration where I can find it. One of the sources of great inspiration for me today was a post musician Ben Lee shared on his personal Facebook page.
I’ve long been a fan of Lee’s music (and quoted him in my first book Hello Gorgeous! Beauty Products in America 40s-60s, which will be reissued later this year) and have been intrigued with his ever evolving, semi-public journey through spirituality.
In an excerpt from a new interview with the actress Rose Byrne in Magnet Magazine, Lee talks about his particular spiritual path. I was so struck by some of what he said that I felt the need to push myself to start very slowly writing again about matters of spirituality and faith. Lee graciously allowed me to share some of his more personal musings here.
In sharing news about his interview with Byrne, Lee mentions sharing publicly for the first time about:
…”Parting ways with my spiritual teacher of 10 years. I kept private about this until this point as I did not want to create controversy or drama, or disturb other people’s process.”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot, since there are so many memoirs and articles about people who have lost their faith or parted ways with their former gurus or rabbis or spiritual leaders. For me at least, faith is so deeply personal that I can’t imagine it defined by anyone else’s description. And conversely, defining my evolved or deeply personal belief based on what I choose to reject feels equally false.
The part that struck me the most deeply though, is when Lee said:
“But the ultimate goal I began to believe, and continue to believe, is in an infinite experience of newness.
God is always new.”
That last line hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
Over the past 5 years, in trying to reclaim my faith after a bout with cancer, the very recent loss of a loved one, and the dissolution of a major relationship, I’ve found myself questioning any description of any God– much less the all-encompassing deity I was raised with. With great loss, come great big questions and doubts. But for today at least, a glimmer. If I accept the notion that God is always new, then my belief can be exactly as it is supposed to be for right now. And right now is all that matters. Putting one foot in front of the other, remembering how to live and believe and find my imperfect faith and relationship with my God.
FYI, I’ll be interviewing Ben Lee about his new album Love is the Great Rebellion and matters of faith for one of my outlets. Stay tuned!